Pros and Cons
by anonymouseomoninja
Summary: RoyXEd. Need I say any more?
1. Chapter 1

1Chapter One: Box o' Tricks

Roy sat at a small table in front of a window at his favorite little café. This place was the perfect spot for breakfast. It was so nice to sit and drink coffee and watch people as they went drowsily about their daily lives.

A small spider crawled across the table and stopped to look at him. He glared at it then squished it with his thumb. He heard a faint metallic crunch. Three more spiders, identical to the previous one, appeared on the table. He squished them as well. "Fullmetal, don't you have anything better to do than make spider robots and pester me? Surely, you have paperwork or people to visit."

Said blonde alchemist crawled out from underneath the table a few yards away. "How did you know it was me?" Ed asked with surprise.

Roy sighed. "Only you could be so childish. Only you, with your unfortunate height, could fit under one of these tables."

As predictable as dawn, the elder Elric brother growled and became animated with anger. "Who're you calling short, Sparky?!" The table he had crawled from underneath collapsed.

Roy clenched his teeth. "Edward, did you use the table's bolts to transmute those spiders?"

Ed blinked then smiled sheepishly. "Heh heh..."

Roy rolled his eyes. "I swear. Sometimes I wonder why they let you join the military."

Ed frowned, and without acknowledging the broken table, he sat in the chair adjacent to Roy. "Actually, I don't have anything better to do. My paperwork is finished and Al is spending time with Winry. He really likes her, and I thought it would be best if I didn't hang around too long.

Roy nodded and took a drink of his coffee. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Hey, Fullmetal, wanna do me a favor?"

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Eh, not really." Roy made a pouty face. Ed rolled his eyes. "Really, sir, that expression doesn't do you justice. Whadda ya want?"

Roy smirked. This was going to be fun. "Well, you see, I got something in the mail yesterday and accidentally left it at home. If I give you my apartment key, will you fetch it for me?"

"Talk about 'dog' of the military. What's in it for me?" Ed said, folding his arms. This better be good. No way was he just going to do chores for the bastard.

"You'll see. I promise you'll get something out of it. Plus, you'll have something to do." Mustang pulled his house key out of his pocket and held it towards the blonde alchemist in front of him. "Please?"

Edward stood in front of room 27 with the key in his hand. He opened the door to find a very tidy, very homy apartment. Odd. It was almost scary how welcoming it looked.

"Alright, he said the package was on the desk in his bedroom," he thought out loud.

A face poked from around a corner then the whole person came forward. Ed nearly squeaked. Yes, squeaked. Hawkeye stood now before him in a skimpy maid's outfit holding a duster in one hand. Her eye twitched. "Don't say one word, Edward, or I swear I'll pump you full of lead."

The Fullmetal alchemist gulped loudly. "Er, sir, I came for a package. He said it was on his desk."

Riza nodded. "Fine. But if I hear that you told anyone about this..." She gestured to the tiny outfit. "You will become dog food. Hear me?"

Edward nodded hastily and half ran to the room. "Yes, sir!"

Edward Elric now stood on the steps in front of headquarters. Roy had said to bring the package directly to his office. Ed now pondered just what was in the box. It was medium sized, cardboard, and not too heavy. Mustang hadn't told him specifically _not_ to look inside. A little peak wouldn't hurt.

He opened the top slowly and gaped in shock at what the box contained.

-- hey guys or...girls. whatever. so what should be in the box hm? tell me what you want, babe. and then i'll give you another chapter and some jello...if you like jello. do you? ah...whatever. heh ; 


	2. Chapter 2

1Don't own FMA

Ch. 2: All Dressed Up

Edward slammed the box closed. God! A dress! Why the hell did that bastard want him to fetch a dress for? Why the hell did the man buy a dress to begin with? The image of Hawkeye in a maid's outfit fluttered into his mind, waved, and fluttered back out. Never mind. Scratch that. He didn't want to know.

He looked down at the box. What should he do with it? He didn't have much of a choice, though. He would just sit the box on that pyromaniac's desk, act like he didn't have a clue what was in it, and hurry out. Good plan. He just hoped he didn't need a plan B.

As Ed put the box on the desk, Mustang sat, smirking, in his chair. "Thank you, Fullmetal."

"No problem, sir," Ed said as he turned to leave. However, he froze when the Colonel spoke again.

"Didn't you say you wanted something in return. I believe your exact words were 'What's in it for me?'"

Ed forced a smile and turned to face Roy again. "Yes, sir?"

Roy stood and walked around the desk. "You seem tense. Are you alright?" Ed nodded. "I don't know. You look very...uncomfortable." He put a hand on the teen's shoulder.

As much as Ed tried to hide it, he couldn't. Stupid, betraying blush. He closed his eyes. Plan B! Plan B!

Just then, Riza Hawkeye walked in the door. Thankfully, she was in her usual uniform. "Colonel, I have returned from the errand you asked me to do. I believe you have that item I worked for.

Roy laughed and nodded. He picked up the box and handed it to the blonde woman. "Of course. Thank you, Hawkeye."

Ed visibly relaxed. Of course, that makes more sense. Riza left and Roy turned euphorically back to the blonde teen. "You thought I was going to make you wear that dress. That's why you were so tense."

Ed frowned at his superior. Honestly, is that man ever not smug? He decided to play dumb. "There was a dress in that box?"

Roy chuckled. "Yes, there was. I know you better than that, Fullmetal. There's no need to play ignorant. You know, with a little compensation, I could get you your own dress."

Ed blushed again and looked away. "Why the hell would I want to wear something girly like a dress?!" he asked through clenched teeth.

"I don't know. Why do you put your pretty hair in a braid like a girl? I think you would look very...enticing in a dress," Roy asked with a shrug.

Ed's jaw dropped and he glared at the taller man. "What the fuck?"

Roy held up a hand. "Now, now, Fullmetal, don't get your panties in a twist."

Like earlier, Edward became animated with anger. "Quit calling me a girl! My panties are not in a twist! Why do you keep messing with me, you bastard?!"

"You're wearing panties? Hm, what do they look like?" the Colonel inquired, curiosity evident on his face.

"Er...uh...no! Of course I'm not wearing panties! That's not the point-"

Roy stepped closer and cupped the teen's face in one hand. "No, you're absolutely right. You can show me what they look like later."

**Thank you peoples. Tell me what you thinks! Do it! I demand you to tell me! Please? The more reviews I get, the more motivated I will be to continue this wondrous story. (XAAX)**


End file.
